“Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but
only empties today of its strengths.”
~ Charles Spurgeon
I will tell you what makes me anxious but warn you now that it probably isn't going to make sense to you. Picnics/Potlucks and functions with a lot of people....those things make my anxiety soar...to the point of tears. *But* before you label me with a social anxiety disorder...here is the truth: I like people. I enjoy my friends and family. I am not shy nor do I get nervous being in crowds (although I am not a fan of crowds...but who is?).
The time leading up to going to a picnic sees me tense, sometimes irritable, and/or in tears. It really makes no sense...except for the fact that at home I feel safe. Safe from what? I don't know. Just safe. I feel like I can breathe. It honestly makes *no* sense to me at all and truly, I don't think it has to make sense. It is what it is and my family (especially Chris) lovingly helps me through. God is in control and *He* knows what is going on with this crazy little brain of mine.
This anxiety used to debilitate me terribly. I had trouble leaving the house at all. There were other issues as well...and honestly, I'm not sure when it all started. I haven't always been this way. It could have started when I was 16 (when I was in a car crash that left me in a coma for a week) and just progressively got worse over the years..? Or maybe it isn't from that at all? I have *no* idea. Fortunately, when I was dealing with the brunt of these issues years ago, my mom encouraged me to look into medical help. After a lot of fighting that idea...I finally gave in and now take a pill daily. It helps relieve the brunt of my anxious thoughts and issues (OCD was setting in before taking the med).
I will be the *first* to tell you that I did not want to be on a medication for this. I wanted to pray and seek God and let Him heal me. However, at that time, I couldn't focus enough to sit and read my Bible or any book really because my thoughts were just so *all over the place*. I am also the first to admit that nowadays there seems to be an abundance of people taking pills for something. I am *not* a fan of that either. However, that being said, I do recognize that sometimes, medications are necessary for things. Remember all the terrible happenings with the Andrea Yates story? Sometimes, meds *are* necessary. It's humbling...and admittedly embarrassing to admit it...but true.
Although I still have anxieties over some things...I am not nearly what I was years ago, when my children were younger. Now, I *can* read my Bible, spend time studying theology, homeschool my children, pray and strive to live a righteous life to glorify my Savior. The anxieties can still be difficult to deal with... but because I can focus on God's Word and have the uplifting support of Chris, family and lovely Christian friends, I can deal with the anxiety that arises from time to time (summer is the most difficult for me...as there are a lot of picnics/potlucks/reunions etc!).
I take a medication in order to help me better cope with things. It is not the answer to all my problems...but it is something I need right now. I hope to one day wean off of it...if the Lord wills. And if not, then I will remain humble and take it...and glorify God that He squashes my pride. He shows me that I am *not* in control...and had I been healed without medication, there is a good chance my pride could have swollen rather than properly giving Him the glory He deserves (we can tend to do that, can't we?).
I share this personal information with you because if you are dealing with over-whelming anxiety/depression and are trying to "do it on your own" or "just waiting to be healed by God"...it may not happen. I do *not* counsel anyone to just get medication for whatever ails you...but rather, encourage you to pray, talk with your husband and your doctor. If your thoughts and actions could be seriously harming to yourself or others....please, don't let pride stop you from considering a medication to level things in your brain.
I do want to caution you though...
Often, people have sin issues and *that* is what causes their anxiety/depression issues. If this is the case, it is a heart issue...and not a brain issue. No medication will help you with that...the remedy for that dire situation is throwing yourself at the feet of Jesus. Repent and believe that He is your Savior. He is your all in all. Only He can make a wretch into a saint.
Although I am a child of God and live to glorify Him, I am still a work in progress. He is daily sanctifying me...I have so far to go and honestly, I struggle (deeply) with the realization that I will never fully be perfect until I live with Him. Again, this humbles me and always leads me to drop to my knees in awe of the One Who made me...because in and of myself, I have *nothing* that would make me worthy to be His and yet, YET, He lived a perfect, sinless life ~ dying in my place (and rising again in three days) in order that I can be made perfect in His sight. Practically unfathomable...but you open His Word...and there it is. From Genesis to Revelation ~ every word of it points to Christ.
If you want to discuss this...anxiety, depression or the truth of Christ...any of it ~ please feel free to email me. My email is on my profile page or up on the left sidebar somewhere! ;) I would love to hear from you, truly. May the Lord draw those who need this here and now. If I can pray for you...please, please let me know. I will do so!
And quickly, I will share a couple of places I went this past weekend that had my anxiety through the roof! But look! I survived and after all that internal stress....it wasn't bad at all. Oh how the Lord is teaching me!
Chris's paternal annual family reunion....
My love with our girl, Madelyn
Our church held a baptism service at one of our member's home. They had this beautiful, homemade pond! It was a gorgeous setting for a glorious time of worshiping the Lord through song and following His example of baptism...
Afterwards, people enjoyed food and fellowship and the children had fun on this zipline! That's my Jaxson flying down there...
Look at this God-made carpet! Outside of the pond, this moss was growing and made such a neat natural carpet look! It was such a beautiful place, truly!!!
“Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith.
I don't agree at all. They are afflictions, not sins.
Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them,
our share in the Passion of Christ”
~ C.S. Lewis