Thursday, June 3, 2010

At a Crossroad...

So...here I am. Unsure of how to move ahead. After posting over 800 posts over the past 3 years...I come to a point where I question if I should continue blogging, or not.

I have been incredibly blessed over the years with the comments, emails and encouragement I have received. However, I need to be honest. The truth is that no matter how humble I continually strive to be...the kind words you, sweetly, shower upon me are so flattering. I find myself really enjoying that feeling. It is a boost to my ego...and that is not a good thing. Of course, this isn't your fault! I hope I don't make it sound that way! It's *me*. Instead of just letting Christ's love show through me...I have started to focus on my *own* ego. That means I am losing focus. My life's focus is *still* on God and loving Christ. I haven't lost sight of that! :) However, my *blog* focus seems to have shifted to me.

I am reading the book "If" by Amy Carmichael...and when I read this...I felt a pang in my heart:

"If I do not forget about such a trifle as personal success, so that it never crosses my mind, or if it does, is never given a moment's room there; if the cup of spiritual flattery tastes sweet to me, then I know nothing of Calvary love." (pg. 62) italics mine

And this one as well:

"If I slip into the place that can be filled by Christ alone, making myself the first necessity to a soul instead of leading it to fasten upon Him, then I know nothing of Calvary love." (pg. 66)

So...this is a matter I am taking to God, in prayer...and I am not sure what the outcome will be. Many have shared that they feel God using me and my blog to be a blessing to them...and I am thrilled to know He is using me to be of benefit to others...but I just need to really make sure that I *am* doing as He would have me do. It's difficult not to want lots of comments and praise. But I need to realize that *praise for me* isn't the purpose for this blog. It isn't to lift *me* up....but rather, *Him*! As humans, though, it sure is easy to get caught up in wanting to be wonderful and popular.

I also get concerned that I am putting my home and family "out there" too much, as well...?

I am turning the comments off on this post...so that I am not desiring to get loads of comments. You are welcome to email me (link on left sidebar) if you would like. I will be in prayer about this decision.

Thank you for reading my blog...sharing in my life with me, encouraging me, challenging me and sharing *your* lives with me as well! I have met so many wonderful people via blogging, which I will always be grateful for! :) I have no idea when the decision will be made...I will just be in prayer about it and wait for His gentle guidance! :)