Saturday, February 12, 2011

Sadness

This evening, I went out to give some food to the chickens and as is usual for me, I called out to Stu. Anytime I go outside, I greet my sweet Stu. Tonight, however, she was laying in her house...and when I called out to her, she didn't move. She *always* talks back to me. I started panicking. Jaxson had come out, with me, to give Stu some hay...and I sent him inside to get Chris.
Chris came out, checked her and confirmed what I already knew (and dreaded) in my heart...she was gone. We have no idea why, though. She had a nice, thick coat to keep her insulated from the cold...she ate and was loved. We all, even my children, continue to blame ourselves...we just don't know what we did wrong.

I know some may think it ridiculous to get this upset over a sheep...but I loved her. She followed me around and was dog-like. She was much smaller than normal sheep are...we aren't sure if it was her breed or if she was the runt of the litter....either way, it was something I loved about her. She was small and just perfect. She was lovable and silly....

And here she was...just the other day...when I took her picture, never suspecting that within a day or two, I would find her dead. I am truly heavy-hearted this evening. I am wishing there was something I could do....pet her, warm her up, talk to her...to help her live again. When the grass is green and spring is all a-bloom, I am going to miss her in the yard, happily eating...running over to visit me as I hung laundry out on the line.

My children, already tucked into bed, have each come out...to make sure I am OK. They give me a hug and kiss and then head back to their beds. How much I appreciate their love and comfort. Such gifts they are to me. I know time will ease the sadness...but for now, our family mourns.

Madelyn, just came into my room, crying. Afraid of death...full of sadness, her thoughts going from the death of Stu to the *what ifs* of life...What if mama and daddy die? What if....? I had to talk to her about why there is death in the world and sadness. I comforted her and hugged her. She's back in bed now...I will be in prayer for her heart tonight as she sleeps. She, at times, has bad dreams and tonight may trigger one for her. I pray it isn't so....they scare her so much. Such a sensitive, loving heart she has.

Stu gave us some wonderful memories and we will miss her, dearly. Strange how an animal can weigh on your heart so much...I have cried so many tears, I wonder if my supply will run out. HERE is another place I blogged about Stu...although there are many more throughout the archives. She will be missed, greatly. My heart is heavy.

Katy
He must increase, but I must decrease. ~John 3:30

33 comments:

  1. Oh, Katy--I have lost so many pets I know how you feel. The tears hurt. Perhaps as you said it was because she was the runt; she could have had an internal problem such as a heart problem that you know nothing of.

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  2. Katy~ My heart goes out to you. I will keep you all in my prayers. I know you through your writtings only but I do know that you all loved her very much.
    Blessings,Joann

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  3. Katy, I am so, so sorry! Oh my goodness, your poor heart must just be in a million pieces right now. It is amazing how attached we can get to our pets, and they truly become members of our family. Please don't blame yourself, Stu was so loved and cared for, and I am sure it was nothing you did wrong. I am praying for you and your children as you mourn your beloved Stu.

    Big hugs gor you, Katy.
    Love,
    Ellie
    xo

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  4. I am so sorry for the loss of Stu. She had such a sweet face. Animals are loved so much by us humans and it truly hurts when they die.
    God bless, Kathy in Illinois

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  5. Katy I am so sorry! I understand your saddness. Stu wasn't just an animal he was part of the family! Not many sheep have the freedom and love that Stu had. Although his time with you was short I know he felt your love.

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  6. Katy, I truly understand how you feel about losing a pet. Even though Stu was sheep, she was part of your family a member of the family. You made me cry sitting here reading your post. She was absolutely adorable. My thoughts will be with you and your family during this time of grieving. I have 4 dogs and I have lost 4 dogs over the past few years, so my heart knows how your heart feels right now. I also hope your kids are alright also.

    Hugs,
    Dee:)

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  7. My heart goes out to you and your family. Of course you are going to be sad and mourn anyone you have love in your heart for, whether human or animal! I will be lifting you up in prayer. She had a very loving home and you shouldn't blame yourselves.

    I have heard sheep are mysterious when it comes to death. They seem fine one second and can be gone the next. In fact I just read a post on Suzanne's blog, Chickens in the Road, where she mentioned a lamb dying and what a shock it was.

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  8. Katy - I am so sorry. What a sad thing to have happen to your family. Some people may think of our animals as pets but we think of them as family. When we lose them it's just the same sadness as if we had lost a human friend or family member. Sending you hugs tonight!

    Kay

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  9. I'm so sorry, Katy. You loved and took care of Stu - you did all the right things.

    I know it's hard to talk to children about things like this, but it was a great teachable moment and I'm sure you handled it wonderfully.

    Praying that your heart will be lighter very soon.

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  10. Katy, I'm so sorry and so saddened to hear this, I know how much you all loved Stu, and it is SO hard when we lose them so suddenly, I lost a pet rabbit a couple yrs. ago just as suddenly, fine one day and gone the next, so many diseases they can get that by the time they show symptoms it is too late. (((BIG HUGS))) to you, she is with God now and I'm sure she is ever so grateful for the love you and your family gave her:)

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  11. I am so sorry dear friend. I know this loss is great for you. Praying for your children too, as this will bring lots of questions.

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  12. I am so sorry for your loss...4 yrs ago tomorrow we lost our beloved dog Tucker...he was our 1st "kid". Animals hold a special place in our hearts! I will be praying for you and your family. God Bless You All...

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  13. So sorry to hear about Stu. Loosing pets is one of the hard parts of life. Thinking of you all.

    Blessings Gail

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  14. So sorry about your loss! Interesting how these little critters find their way into our heart!

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  15. Praying for you. So very sorry! May God bless you with peace and healing.

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  16. Dear Katy, I am new to your blog and I am so sorry for your loss. It is totally understandable how heavy your heart is. I lost my dear Toby on June 7th and I still everyday miss him, morn and question the what ifs. No matter if she had an ailment or not the loss would have been just as deep, but you know she knew she was loved and she loved you back. Our animals love us unconditional, its the truest sense. I wish for you and your family peace and comfort. Marla

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  17. Oh no! I'm sorry, Katy! My heart goes out to you & your family.

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  18. Katy, so sorry to hear that. You gave Stu the best life ever.

    It's very common for pet sheep to die early, not sure why, but they are not long-lived. You did nothing wrong, you cared for her so well.

    God bless,
    Love Tina xxx

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  19. So sorry Katy :( It's really hard when we lose those loved parts of our families and days.

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  20. Dear Katy, I am so sorry to hear of your families' loss...keeping you all close in my thoughts and prayers {{{Hugs}}}

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  21. Just the other day I smiled at the precious picture of Stu peeking out of her house. Now I'm crying over your loss of her. Take comfort in knowing that she had the very best home possible with all the love a family could give her.

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  22. Oh Katy, I can so relate and tears fell as I read this post. We raised goats at one time and the loss is the hardest part, eps. not knowing. But rest assure you didn't do a thing wrong! There's no telling why she died, I'm sure it's not from the cold, they are bred for that. Do some research on sheep and see if you can't come up with some explaintion, just so you know, and learn.

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  23. Katy, Our animals find a special spot in our hearts, I know. Blessings to you and your family.
    Jodi

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  24. Katy,
    I'm so sorry! :(
    One thing I know for sure is that you gave him the best home you could w/plenty of love and care.
    :(
    Thnking of you!

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  25. So sorry Katy. You have my sympathy, as I know exactly how you are feeling. Stu looks like she was a darling little sheep. She was very lucky to be a part of your family. Hugs.

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  26. Katy....so sorry to read about your sweet little lamb. She was so beautiful. I found your blog by accident and have enjoyed reading about your simple but precious family life. Pets truly become family members. Children learn about true kindness by loving and caring for helpless creatures of God. God bless, Bella

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  27. Sorry for your lose. My husband always says sheep have a will to die. Since we have over a 100 of them here lambing right now we are kind of use to it. One thing about farming, children learn with life also comes death. That said it still is hard to take.

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  28. Katy,
    I am a frequent reader of your blog and feel like I know your family. Please accept my sympathies over the loss of your sweet Stu. I have lost 2 pet dogs, one only a year ago. I know what you're going through. It hurts so much. In Christ, Lorrie

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  29. Dearest Katy & family,
    I am so, so sorry for your loss. Please do not ever feel odd about being sad of the passing of a pet. The joy you have because of Stu is a blessing from God....he wanted you to feel joy. I am reading the book "1000 Gifts" as you did, and there is a gift in all of this...to really, really cherish life in all its capacity, in all its forms, because it can be gone so very quickly. That precious sheep know you all loved her...she was sweet because you all took such good care of her. Hugs to you...I know the pain you feel...cherish your memories of her....Hugs, Erica

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  30. Katy & Family..I am so sorry to hear about Stu! She was beautiful! I know how it is to loose a pet..my pets are my furbabies..They are just like my kids! U and ur family will be in my thoughts and prayers! Much love to u and ur family! <3

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  31. Katy

    My heart goes out to you over the loss of your beloved pet. Know my prayers are with you and your family. My God's comfort surround you in your grief.

    Love Cathy

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  32. Katy, {hugs} I am so very sorry for the pain you feel...Love is love...and often our fur babies give so much asking for so little...it is they who tug most on our tender hearts when they pass.

    God bless you,
    ~Gail

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  33. So sorry for your loss!! Do you have other sheep? Sounds to me like the flu is what got her. It comes out of no where and it's no ones fault! They are fine one day, and gone the next. If you have other sheep or goats you might want to get them on an antibiotic and check their temp twice a day. *hugs* Praying for piece for you all!!!

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I am always so grateful to read your comments! I thank you for the time you took to visit and share your thoughts with me. :o)
May you enter as a stranger and leave as a friend!
Warmly, Katy