Thursday, August 20, 2009

Homeschooling has it's bad days too....

The only way to learn strong faith is to endure great trials.
~George Muller

God loves with a great love the man whose heart is bursting with a passion for the impossible.
~William Booth





I have a confession. It's a horrible little secret I don't like to admit. Are you *sure* you are ready to hear it? It may change your whole view of me...but I need to be honest. Here it is: I think....although I try sooo hard...that I am not doing a very good job as a mother. :(

This isn't a post for me to whine...just to admit that my kids bicker sometimes, they don't clean up after themselves sometimes and quite often...have to be asked more than once to do something. I study my Bible, I pray, I cry to my mom and Chris....I am constantly trying to train them better. I strive daily to be a better wife, mother and woman....but alas...I feel as though I fail most of the time.

Today with schooling, Madelyn was difficult. Sometimes I feel like it is a battle I can't win. I try gentleness, patience, anger, stern....all to really no avail. I don't expect perfection from my children...and honestly...they are wonderful children. Very *busy* little ones...but with big hearts and a curiosity for life. But we have moments where I just cry out to God asking "What am I doing wrong?". I want to raise disciplined, loving, kind, respectful, fun, Godly children.

We spend time together, reading, playing yahtzee (a new found fave game for us) etc. Is it possible that they spend too much time with me? Am I not being firm enough....or maybe too firm with them? I can't seem to find the right balance. God has entrusted these children to me...but I truly struggle with how to teach/train them the correct way sometimes. This makes me feel like such a failure as a mother and pierces me deeply. I have such a strong desire to be a wonderful mother.

Our wonderful moments outweigh the negative ones...but I still *wish* for fewer negative things to happen. I try to watch my own behavior so that I am a good example to them....I am now at a loss on what else to do. Maybe my expectations are unrealistic? Sometimes I would just love my children to sit and be obedient like Amish children can be. I seek to train them that way....but am not quite sure how they do it??

I am a very imperfect person. I figured sometimes I need to reveal that in my blog so I don't seem as something I am not. :) Ok....that's a bit 'o my heart for you.....now onto happier things.....


**On the bright side...I do have some fun news. X lost another tooth today....(as seen in the top pic) He was so pleased! This all happened while my mom spent time with the kids as I went in town to get....a cell phone. *gasp* Yes, I have moved into the 21st century. I can hardly believe it myself! It's really pretty...hehe...and I will feel more secure if I am out with all the children in the van and we would happen to break down or something. :)

Madelyn and X both have summer birthdays...as a gift from my Aunt Nance who lives a few hours away...she sent each of them $15 to pick something out for themselves. They each got a few things....and one thing they each got was a new umbrella! Oh were they ever thrilled! They absolutely LOVE having their own umbrellas and were using them *even without rain* last evening. Jaxson had fun using X's *to shield him from the sun* while X played in the dirt pile.

I love this little area outside where the kids play. They will ask me "Mama...can we go outside and play in the dirt pile?"...and this is the place they are referring to. I will be sad when the snow flies this winter and we need to gather all the cars up till spring. They love it so much out there. :)
Earlier this year, we had to dig up our septic line thingy (I'm not so good with technical terms...but you know what I mean, right?). Well...when mowing...there was this terrible rocky/torn up area where I couldn't mow because there were rocks and the ground was so uneven where they had covered the septic line back up with dirt. So Chris got the Kubota and smoothed it all out....so once the grass grows in...it will all look pretty again over there! :)

Ahahahahehehe...Jaxson cracks me up....I went outside last night (so glad I had my camera)...and there he was, wearing Chris's boots which went up to his knees. You should have seen the poor boy trying to walk....it was terribly humorous!!! He was getting frustrated though..so I had him go in and put on a different pair of shoes...thinking he would put on flip flops or sneaks......


....nope. He just put on another pair of boots...although these were sized a lil better ;). Looking at the pic below...you would think we were getting ready for a terrible storm! lol

And here, I turned quickly to catch a quick shot of all the chickens chasing me...LOL. They are so funny. And no....I didn't have any food with me. I guess that they all just were *hoping* that I did. I was actually almost jogging and their little claws were pitter-pattering behind me....faster and faster to keep up. It was too funny!

And this pic below is random...but I wanted to show this ivy kind-of stuff that is growing over my stone wall. Technically...it's a *weed* but I kinda like it. Is that strange? I like the vines going over the wall like that. I think it has a really neat effect. What do you think?

Thank you for coming by and visiting with me. Please forgive my imperfections....they are many. I am so thankful for a loving God so full of grace and acceptance for those who choose to follow Jesus. Amen? I am praying for a better day tomorrow! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend ahead!

What you do in your house is worth as much as if you did it up in heaven for our Lord God. We should accustom ourselves to think of our position and work as sacred and well-pleasing to God, not on account of the position and work, but on account of the word and faith from which the obedience and the work flow.
~Martin Luther


A simple, childlike faith in a Divine Friend solves all the problems that come to us by land or sea.
~Helen Keller

16 comments:

  1. Katy, don't be hard on yourself. You come across as a wonderful mother. Children are sinful little people. As my pastor has said many times, you don't have to teach them to sin because it's inherent in them. Just keep persevering and they will be fine. No one is 100% perfect.

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  2. Every Mom probably feels this way at one time or another. I know I have. Whenever I have Girls Nights Out we always talk about the latest things are kids are doing to seek advice. I just want to give you a great big ol' hug. :) Not everyday is perfect around here either..I have to repeat myself for Kate to do things..remind her to hold on the cart while at the grocery store..and so on. I got to remind myself she's 5 not 25. I really hope you don't feel like you fail MOST of the time. I'm sure other people that know your kids in person woudn't feel that way. You know you can always call me up or email me when you are having an overwhelmed day. :) Big Big Hugs.

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  3. I am so glad you shared your little secret. It's so good to know that others struggle as I do.
    I belong to a MOPS group. www.mops.org. It's a Christian based mothers of preschoolers program. It's a great way to share the good and the not so good mommy moments and get some advice from other Christian women.
    Do you think God gets frustrated with us? I think about that sometimes when I get particularly frustrated with my brood. God gives me everything I need, loves me unconditionally, forgives me when I ask and yet I sin over and over. I wonder if God ever watches me throw a hissy fit and says One more time and I'm going to smite you?
    I believe you are a great mom and love covers a multiple of sins so don't be so hard on yourself. Kids will be kids. And my Amish friends say kids are kids and they have the same issues we do!

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  4. Hi Katy,

    I've been following your blog for a little while now.. and I really enjoy hearing what you and your family are up to! Love hearing about all your baking, canning, knitting and all that other good stuff!
    I think all us moms have these moments where we think "WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? AM I GOING CRAZY? DO I THINK I CAN ACTUALLY DO THIS??" I have 3 children myself and the 4th is on it's way Nov 1st. My childrens are close in age: girl - who will be 5 this Oct, boy - who turned 3 in June, and another girl - 19 months. I have been struggling with discipline issues...and I just get soo mad at myself when nothhing seems to work. Every morning pray for God to fill me with the fruits of the spirit when trying to raise our children - but most days I feel like I fail miserably :( Right now I'm struggling with trying to potty train my just over 3 yr old son. I WANT TO DIE!!!! He is soo frustrating! My husband and I have tried on 3 different occassions..and he just is NOT getting it :( Makes me want to scream :( But anyway... thank you for sharing ALL your moments with us - the good & the bad... makes other moms feel like we are not alone! Love reading your blog from up here in Canada :) Blessings Katy

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  5. Katy, I assure you that you are not alone in the struggle to be a better mother, wife etc. I certainly have my days when I can't wait to get to bed so I can start a new day!

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  6. Katy - I struggle with the same thoughts as you. Seriously. I could have written this post. It must be a universal thing that most mothers struggle with. I know from talking to friends of mine, that I'm not the only one. I think we all have those days or moments. God doesn't expect us to be perfect mothers. He only wants us to fall at His feet and rely on His strength and grace to do the best we can. Sometimes it's just the dropping to our knees in the midst of a battle that we find hard.

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  7. Don't worry - you are not alone in this struggle. My 2 kids fight and bicker constantly (or so it seems) when they run through the house yelling like banshees (they are 9 and 6). I am really dreading winter - at least now I can send them outside to duke it out. As for training them like the Amish - I've seen them look like little robots. I think kids are supposed to be mischevious. Just keep doing and they will figure it out
    Kris

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  8. Oh Katy ~ like Ginger said don't be hard on yourself. I feel teh same as you. I drive myself crazy on being the mom the best I can. Each day, I tried & tried as best I can. Being Mom is very hard job. I always worried about people judge me based on being mothering.

    Congrats to X.

    My girls got the umbrellas for their birthday too (tomorrow is their fourth birthday). They love it & even play it on not rainy day. LOL

    Love you, Dawn

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  9. Katy,
    I think The Lord puts it in us mothers to be hard on ourselves, so that we are the best for our children. He wants us to turn to Him, and NOT do it in our own strength. OH boy I have my days, and sometimes it seems loong periods of "bad times". "To Train Up A Child" by Micheal and Debbie Pearl is a great book(somethings are just out of the question) but I need to re-read it also. I'm where you are right now!!!
    Hugs:)
    anne

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  10. Katy...dear...you and I, all of us, really, are very far from imperfect, because we were not made perfect beings. Well, maybe originally, but you know...I have many days when I question why. Why am I not putting my children in school, why don't I seem to be as good a mom as I want to be, so many whys...God is the only one that can truly help us I find. I am glad you decided to share your struggles with us, because sometimes I look at blogs and think that they are just so much more{whatever} than me. But God gave us all strenghts and weaknesses.
    Love the quotes, too.
    Hope you have a great weekend!!
    Elise

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  11. I think it's encouraging for everyone to admit their struggles, so we all recognize that no one has all smooth sailing. When we open ourselves up, we offer others the opportunity to lift us up in prayer and support us in our frustrations and perceived failings. We're called to do that scripturally. As the commercial used to say, "There's no such place as perfect." At least not on this earth. I've read over the other 10 comments and think back to the days when you, Katy, and your sister were young. It's not always easy, but it's always worth it!!! Love you!!!

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  12. Thanks for the prayers.
    I love your quote from George Muller.

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  13. What a lovely, lovely blog. This is my first time coming by. It sounds like your family is like the rest of ours -- imperfect, yes, but loving each other and doing our best every day in spite of our shortcomings. I'll bet you're a wonderful mom. Thanks for coming by my blog and entering the giveaway. I really hope you win, too! :)

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  14. Oh, girl....You are not alone. I feel defeated sometime too. (actually just today)

    I often wonder if I am around my kids too much also.

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  15. Katy, you sound like a normal mother to me. Your kids seem happy and loved. Once a mother always a mother. Sometimes, now, and my kids are grown.I wonder was I a good mother. Our daughter, the first born, found it harder. I was more strict with her. She left home and went to college and one day she said to me "Mother, I am so glad you were strict we me. I am doing so much better because you wanted the best that I could do from me. Katy, just praise them and love them and it is alright to have the feelings you are having. It will all be okay.
    Loved the pictures you shared.
    Love,
    Marie

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  16. Just found your blog and I'm enjoying it very much! Hope you don't mind if I add your link to my blog. Thanks!!

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I am always so grateful to read your comments! I thank you for the time you took to visit and share your thoughts with me. :o)
May you enter as a stranger and leave as a friend!
Warmly, Katy